It was a rude awakening, louder than any alarm clock could ring, colder than the sting of water splashing upon my resting eyes.   It was rude enough to awake much more than my physical body.  Waking up to the startling crash of two cold pieces of metal on wheels while in the drivers seat realizing I had fallen asleep at the wheel.  The nervousness wasn’t from the other driver’s heated rampage, nor from the anxiety felt just thinking of my dad’s bitter and disappointed glare.  The flashing red and blue lights, I’ve seen them before, and this anxiety, this nervous reaction was different.

Ironically, about 8 hours before the accident, I had lead the congregation into worship at a youth event at church, proclaiming my realization that my life has more meaning than I could possibly comprehend, in hopes that God himself may inspire the same realization within others that afternoon, Yet, here I stood, in utter disbelief with a shivering soul, as if I was experiencing my own personal Ice Age.

The only question I could ask myself during the succeeding moments was “Why?”  Not necessarily, “Why did this have to happen to me now?” or “Why did this have to happen to me?” but there was a deeper answer I longed for. “Why was I given the chance?” What would the heartbeats  and breathes after this even mean? Of course I was eternally grateful, yet my soul did not experience the warmness of gratitude.  My soul had awakened.  Not by injuries was I disturbed, nor by the potential financial dismay that came product of this event, but by the ver fact that my soul had been sleeping.

The realization before hand, in the comfortability of the church walls, that secured my words were not enough.  I had to experience the very possibility of my life being lost to realize what really was at stake.  Each heartbeat, each breathe means something, and if I were to fall asleep at the wheel of my own life, going with the natural flow of events, I would find myself in a place unfamiliar with little notion of what to do.  Not many people get a “second chance,” but for those who receive one, the appreciation for what could have been lost, for me my very own life, heightens to new heights.  It is only then when I saw the potential of my own life, the difference God wouldn’t have made, if me his instrument wasn’t helplessly strapped to the safety belt.  

Its scary looking back on that fateful event, and some instances in my life don’t allow me to easily wipe away the memory like a harmless spill on the kitchen counter, but in close proximity of death, I realized the valu of life itself, and that life has purpose.  Through my journey to seek God’s purpose for my life, eventually I can only hope that my life fulfills the meaning that it is meant to have.

AMDG